Therapist's Thoughts. What went well.

Last week I shared the gratitude exercise.  I have been reflecting much and plan to begin this letter on the plane that Cricket and I will be on later tomorrow.  I loved your comments and would love to hear further if you feel like sharing.  This week it is the What-Went-Well Exercise - also called three blessings by Martin Seligman again from the book Flourish.  Yes there are times we need to analyze bad events so that we can learn from them.  "However, he states, people tend to spend more time thinking about what is bad in life than is helpful.  This focus on negative events sets us up for anxiety and depression.  One way to keep this from happening is to get better at thinking about and savoring what went well.  He suggests every night for the next week, set aside ten minutes before you go to sleep.  Write down three things that went well today and why they went well.  You may use a journal or your computer to write about the events, but it is important that you have a physical record of what you wrote.  The three things need not be earthshaking in importance.  Next to each positive event, answer the question "Why did this happen?  Writing about why the positive events in your life happened may seem awkward at first, but stick with it for one week.  It will get easier.  He indicates we will be happier and addicted to this exercise six months from now."

I find this a fun activity to do.  Here's my attempt for today:

Nice relaxing hour break.  Cricket and I had an appointment that due to transportation 'fun' we were in the area an hour early.  We enjoyed walking along Main Street and stopping in a few fun shops.  We went into a running store and have just the right size pouch for the marathon run on Saturday.  We also stopped at Einstein Bagels and had a yummy pumpkin muffin.  I felt Cricket weaving around and stopped and turned around and clicked my phone and appreciated her good work through construction.  Why did this happen?  I decided rather than just sit and be early for my appointment, I would enjoy the time of being early to have an adventure.  


We enjoyed a great juicer with kale, grapes, peaches, yogurt, ... not sure what else was in there :).  Why did this happen?  Awesome husband.

Cricket and I are flying out in the morning to go to San Rafael, California for a couple days.  We have our work caught up and almost ready to go.  We are so grateful that this trip coincides with the days that we have  rest days for our marathon on Saturday.  Why did this happen?  Some busy, hard working days to get ready.  

I feel like I could go on .. blessing of getting to stop in and visit our daughter.  So fun to have them live close by.  Blessing of going to a job that I love.  Blessing of running with my friends this morning.  Blessing of getting to talk to a friend on the phone.  

I would love to hear 'what went well' for you today :)!  

Therapist's Thoughts. Will you join me in Gratitude?

I have many passions in my profession - one of which is Positive Psychology (Martin Seligman).   Creating a group around these activities is one of my goals.   I am inviting you to follow me on a journey of some suggestions he offers that can change lives and create a greater sense of well-being.  I would love to hear what your experience is like as you try these exercises!  (Flourish, Martin Seligman, p. 361)

"1.  The Gratitude Visit.  Close your eyes.  Call up the face of someone still alive who years ago did something or said something that changed your life for the better.  Someone who you never properly thanked; someone you could meet face-to-face next week.  Got a face?  Gratitude can make your life happier and more satisfying.  When we feel gratitude, we benefit from the pleasant memory of a positive event in our life ... in this exercise called the "Gratitude Visit"  you will have the opportunity to experience what it is like to express your gratitude in a thoughtful, purposeful manner.  Your task is to write a letter of gratitude to this individual and deliver it in person.  The letter should be concrete and about three hundred words: be specific about what she did for you and how it affected your life.  Let her know what your are doing now, and mention how you often remember what she did.  Make it sing!  Once you have written, call the person and tell her you'd like to visit her, but be vague about the purpose of this meeting; this exercise is much more fun when it is a surprise.  When you meet her, take your time reading your letter. After you have read the letter, discuss the content and your feelings for each other.  You will be happier and less depressed one month from now."

After some reflection, I have begun my letter :)!  I look forward to sharing mine and would love to hear about your experience!

Processing with Cricket

A friend found this little story funny so I'll share :)!   My dentist is a short four block walk from my office.  Today was the final saga of the tooth that needed a root canal and crown.  Yeah.  It was really hot when we walked out.  Cricket is not a fan of  long walks on dog days of summer.   I knew Cricket would be willing to walk where I asked her to go but also thought her knowing what lies at the final destination on this hot walk would be helpful to her  - so before I told her forward I kneeled down, stroked her ears and said,  Cricket its just a short walk back to the office and then when we get back we will get you your dinner.   She knew just where she needed to go and happily guided me in the heat back to my office to enjoy her dinner.  I process much with Cricket in a day.  They say processing and sharing is very helpful and lowers our stress level.  I'm not the only one that processes with Cricket.  I am told so often ... this dog has such a sweet spirit about her - so true.

Resting :) with some Therapist's Thoughts

The next two days are rest days for preparing for our 1/2 marathon on Saturday.  I've been telling Steve I'm on rest mode and he just doesn't seem to believe me :)!  Sounds kind of nice for a moment but really would be so hard if you had to, right!

What is it with grey/yellow combo that is just so fun?  Whenever I wear the combo it seems someone tells me its a good combo so I just keep going with it.  I think my new little purchase, yellow belt, from Target is going to be put to some fun use this summer.   This little yellow tee from Banana Republic years ago has been a hit as are these old white capris from Old Navy.  This grey cardigan from Ann Taylor is a favorite - I wish I had it in other colors.  I recall someone telling me that after they went blind they generally just wore black.  I love black and that is great if that is what you like to do, but I have found my love for colors and dressing up has not changed with blindness -- just don't need the mirror like I used to.   I'm kind of excited that I actually got my belt in this picture that I took :)!

How do you give someone the gift of self-confidence, belief in themselves, and not worry what others think?  I work on this journey each day with clients.  One client told me today, you seem to be at peace.  I said, well I have the opportunity to share  this message with so many clients - perhaps a little bit stays with me :).
I also believe that is one of the gifts that Retinitis Pigmentosa has given me.  I laughed remember running into a neighbor at the grocery store years ago shortly after I had quit driving.  She said, wow I don't think anyone would want to be you.   When you think about that statement ... how freeing!  I just had to come from a place of feeling peace to be myself.

Ponder:

I exist as I am, that is enough,
If no other in the world be aware I sit content,
And if each and all be aware I sit content.  Walt Whitman

Deep thoughts ... maybe I better go rest :).

Therapist's Thoughts: S.T.O.P.

Yesterday, Cricket and I had the opportunity to demo what it is like walking with a guide dog.   We walked to a curb where Cricket stops, looks up at me to wait for the signal that I have acknowledged the curb and ready to proceed.   The one walking with us thought this was especially intriguing and wanted to learn more.  This simple gesture of stop - helps immensely.   He acknowledged her sweet face looking up at me as if 'checking in' which yes, she is doing very much so.  She is waiting to know that I have acknowledged the curb, aware of where we are at and ready to proceed.  When this occurs, I get the chance to stop, breathe, and acknowledge Cricket and to say thank you or good girl in her language and proceed.

This reminded me of a discussion for our Mindfulness Class Today.  STOP = S = Stop.  T = Take a breath.  O = Observe.  P = Proceed.  As stated in A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook by Bob Stahl and Elisha Goldstein, by taking a moment to stop, take a breth, and observe whatever is happening, including your own thoughts, emotions and sensations, you can reconnect with your experience and then proceed and respond more effectively.   One client told me she had begun to schedule for now until it becomes a practice, an alarm that reminds her periodically through the day to Stop. 

I will be at Yoga Retreat that I will learn more skills and gain a greater understanding of myself.  Love it.

In answer to your comments and emails (THANK YOU!) about my post yesterday:

Yes, I was so very fortunate that my wrist healed up so quickly.  I look forward to our next visit to St. George where it is still warm enough to get back on the bike! 

As far as falling - I mentioned that I fall a lot.  Its not a big deal.  I just go at a fast clip and sometimes trip and stumble WHEN I am not using my sweet guide dog or cane. I get multitasking and forget that blindness is part of who I am and that I am not getting information visually.  I at times, get in my comfort zone at home or the office and need to remind myself to use STOP and slow down. 

And yes, I will share my embarrassing experience.  So far, I am glad that I have been able to provide laughter to all my colleagues. 

I loved our run this morning!  I know running isn't for everyone and when a client says I ought to be exercising - I ask what do you want to do?   What feels good to your body?  Throw out the 'should's'.    I find yoga, cycling and running nurturing and loving to my body.  The day that I don't enjoy the run, I think I'll push the snooze button.  I'm super excited to try to remember what downdog in yoga!  Just my random thoughts on a Thursday morning.    Hope you have a good day!

Wash those negative self thoughts away.

I think many would agree, seventh grade for a young girl can be challenging.  Today a young client came in and she shared that she sat alone at lunch.  Breaks my heart.  It makes me want to return to school just to be friendly to all.  Anyway, after a hard lunch of sitting alone - AGAIN.  She wrote on her hand .. u r not cool.  She came in and told me this was on her hand.  We talked about the hurt of sitting alone at lunch and then the added pain of being so mean to herself and writing negative messages on her hand about herself.  Ouch!  So, I pulled out three choices of soap for her to choose from ... different fun scents - cherry, strawberry, and apple!  She chose cherries.  I then invited her to go wash her hand off.  Get rid of that negative message about herself.  We then played some pretty music and I shared some positive qualities I saw in her and then said - its even more powerful when we feel and recognize our own strengths.  She wrote something else on her hand.  I love horses.  Simple but a good start in seeing her inner strengths, likes, and uniqueness.  We pulled out a page that we labeled Celebrating ___________ (her name).  I invited her to have this list be to 25 positives by next week. She smiled her beautiful smile as she left. 

I savored this experience. 

I Appreciate Feelings. Retinitis Pigmentosa.

I love November.  Halloween is over.  There is optimism in the air that we will have a short winter :), and it is a season where appreciation, gratitude, and blessings are emphasized.  So cozy too with anticipation of family coming, a nice warm fireplace and a cute puppy.

One of the journals that  I am using in November that I will be sharing on my blog is:  Gratitude - A Journal by Catherine Price.  She's real.  She starts by sharing a technique learned from meditation teacher, James Baraz:  Take a few deep breaths and try to identify how your mind and body are actually feeling.  Are you stressed? Angry? Frightened?  Anxious?  Without putting a story on it, try to just allow yourself to experience the actual sensations in your body and to give the feeling itself a name.  (Research validates how just this piece of work can help us immensely).    Then, spend five minutes or so writing about how this emotion resonates in your body.  Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions have surfaced.

Halloween.  It is my least favorite holiday.  I have embraced it through the years by making sugar cookies - doing fun things with our kids (hoping not to pass on my feelings about the holiday on to them).   I had a great childhood.  When I reflect back on memories that were difficult they are often associated with Halloween and nighttime experiences prior to the understanding and diagnosis of Retinitis Pigmentosa.   Back in the day, my parents weren't getting clear answers on my vision despite their incredible persistence.  Forty years ago it wasn't understood or easily diagnosed.    (Retinitis Pigmentosa begins with night blindness and often as was my case, I had excellent acuity 20/20.   Many don't understand what they are NOT seeing.  How do you tell someone you don't see something when you don't even really know that you are supposed to be seeing it?) Once I could name it and claim it and have the tools to help me and help those around me understand ... so much easier.   For some reason last night the memories of being the pre-teen girl trick or treating and the worry of getting to the next house without running into something or tripping; the girl at the high school football game when it became dark; the girl on the date at the haunted house, the little girl performing her dance recital and being worried about that time between getting off the stage and to where my mom was waiting.   You know that time of the lights going dim.  Super tricky time for someone with Retinitis Pigmentosa that may have some useable vision in the day often becomes blind without the skills to manage in the dusk or dark.   So, last night our Halloween was quiet and cozy and the dark house on the street.  (When we are in the back of our house - it can look like no one is home).  We laughed as I said, it never crossed my mind not to go to the event that I may have felt a little overwhelmed about ... somethings don't change - now, I go but have the ease of the tools and support that are available to me.  I happily go in the dark.  This changed really when I walked the night route with my first guide dog, Pantera.  I remember calling Steve and my parents very excited telling them I walked several blocks independently in the dark.   How do you articulate the gift of a guide dog in giving a young mom the gift of freedom, confidence, and yes even willingness to enjoy a dark Halloween evening with her kids!

So, last night I went to bed early.  I felt tired after processing my emotions!  Gosh, this is heavy duty.  I practiced self-compassion like I teach my clients.  No wonder they are exhausted at times!  And as I was telling one of my colleagues today, this self-compassion therapy really works!   I got in my favorite sweats and enjoyed laughter with my sweetheart. 

Today is a new day.  I indeed feel such gratitude for my life and all the joy in each day.  In reflecting for an upcoming opportunity to share about what a guide dog has meant in my life, I appreciate the feelings that arose last night - they will help in writing the introduction of my talk :).

Beauty

We talked about beauty in our teen group. True beauty.  A beautiful woman going through much shared this quote with me: 

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” 

I spent lunch with two beautiful women.  Thank you.

Therapist's Thoughts

Cricket, Christy and I are having so much fun studying and teaching our Self-Compassion & Mindfulness Course. A teaser from Kristin Neff's book - So, why is self-compassion a more effective motivator than self-criticism? Because its driving force is love not fear. Love allows us to feel confident and secure (in part by pumping up our oxytocin), while fear makes us feel insecure and jittery (sending our amygdala into overdrive and flooding our systems with cortisol).

 

Cricket has such a loving heart. It reminds me of another quote in our Dr. Neff's book: When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space. Pema Chodron, Start Where you Are

Therapist's Thoughts on Thursday

I shared with a client today that she had great courage.  She indicated she hadn't done anything 'great'.  I shared this quote (sorry I do not recall the source):

Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow. 

My other quote I  like about courage is by Dr. Alan Wolfelt;

This is what I am face with right now in my life's journey.  While I'd like it to be different, I must allow myself to face the reailty of what is happening -- when you surrender you release attachment to how you feel your life should be and invite yourself to be in the presence of your life exactly as it is.  While naturally difficult to do, surrender is an act of courage. 

Honour your life journey and the courage it takes each day!

I Appreciate

I appreciate pulling out Christmas socks and remembering that they came from a sweet friend last year.

I appreciate Steve's patience when I was feeling overwhelmed on what to choose for a 'thank you' gift for tonight for our Grief and the Holidays. He went to three stores, described options, helped me set up the room and office, and just is the best for me!

I appreciate Shannon and another great run, today. Today was 3.5 miles and, we did it! It just makes my heart smile.

I appreciate the yumminess of Gingerbread Cookies from Cutlers. They are DELICIOUS. I would love you each to try one.

Tonight I asked our group, who have all had such difficult losses in their lives, what have you appreciated. Their responses remind me the value of a friend to simply being there and listening.

stopped, and talked and hugged.
cried with me.
my friend called me for weeks after my husband died - each day and let me talk. she listened.
have a dear friend who has remembered every birth and death date of my child for 10 years.
invited me to share a memory of my loved one.
let me cry and talk.
wrapped their arms around my family.
included my girls in activities.
my sister called me every week after my husband became ill.
my sister-in-law has taken the time to sit down together with me and listen. the simple act of being there and just listening.
the people who came to me and listened without saying much.
I appreciate the people in these people's lives who have been there and listened.

I appreciate coming home to a sweet card from a friend, just because. Thanks, Debi. I love and appreciate you.

I Appreciate

the privilege of a big smile on a 12-year-old girl's face when I shared with her where her artwork from our session was hanging.

Therapist's Thoughts on Thursday

We are going to do 'it'!!   Shannon , Julieanne and I are going to run a 1/2 Marathon in January!   I am super excited.   How delightful after our run yesterday to get to soak our feet for a pedicure while chatting.  Our cute toes will often be covered with boots this time of year, but I still like visualizing that I have cute pink toenails.  Shannon you've got purple, right?

Cricket and I walked up to Dick's Market on our break.  For some reason, everyone (okay, a little exaggeration) wanted to pet her in the store!  She was so distracted.  One lady asked me and when I said no, she is really distracted and needs to work she said but her eyes are so sad.   I smiled.  I know  but I really need her to focus on her job.  We left the store and I had a little chat with Cricket.   We did obedience outside.  We were a little out of synch, and I was feeling a little flustered.   I recalled my message I had just shared with a client of Self-Compassion.    It was a beautiful afternoon with the feel of the sun on us.  We stopped at our little grassy area near my office for probably one of the last times of sitting by the flowers.  I gave her a hug and acknowledged to myself that sometimes this blindness is tough and we felt better.  We took a picture that I know I missed the mark of getting us in the picture.  However, you can see it was a Striped Day.  I started with a black striped shirt and then my work outfit was a navy, cream striped jacket with navy tee and tan pants.    I'm told Stripes are part of the fashion this season. 

As Cricket and I were finishing up, a man came across the  street and asked me about Cricket.  He said he saw me walking fast and confidently with my guide dog each day  and just had to tell me what an incredible dog I had.  I agreed and it was a nice boost after our little frustration at Dick's Market.  Good Girl, Cricket.  I thought yes, we are a good team! 

My Therapist Thought of the Day by Dr. Christopher Germer.

How would you feel if somebody told you that you were "average" -- average looking, average intelligence, average talent?  Most probably it would  hurt your feelings and affect your self-esteem.  In our culture, we're taught we need to be exceptional and we're hard on ourselves when we're not:  'You're so stupid, What a loser!  No one will love you.'  Sound familiar?  We've all done it to some extent.  But what would happen if you were kind to yourself - at least as kind as you are to others -- when you notice the ways you're less-than-perfect?  What if you took a moment to soothe and comfort yourself when life becomes difficult, rather than troubling yourself further.  In other words,  what if you learned the art of mindful self-compassion?  We all want to avoid pain, but letting it in-- and responding compassionately to our own imperfections without judgment or self-blame -- are essential steps toward living happier, more fulfilling lives. 

Balance

At times when people see Cricket in work mode, I am asked if she gets play time. Indeed. Cricket loves to play.  I have learned with Cricket she is happiest when she has a balance of work and play. I think that is part of Cricket's gift to me. I can't just schedule ten back to back sessions - Cricket says no, take a break.  Let's play.  Healthy for us both.  Today she was able to get some play time with Kashi, a beautiful golden retriever. Isn't he adorable!

Shannon and I ran our 5K.  Loving this experience.   I feel so free and joyful when I am running.  Yes, I'm holding a tether or at times hands free and being guided verbally, but it is amazing.  What a far journey from feeling tentative to walk outside when I first became blind prior to a guide dog.   Before I started work for the afternoon/evening, I had a chance to go to Gateway while Steve was at a business lunch.   I considered calling a friend to meet me, but decided some alone time with Cricket would be nice.  He dropped Cricket and I off to wander.  We had a yummy lunch:   Diet Coke and a Lemon Cookie with Lemon Frosting.  I am sure that is just what a runner should eat!  Sitting outside it was delicous and we enjoyed each bite. 

The weather was beautiful.  Joy and contentment filled our  hearts. 

We did have a chance to stop in and visit Ann (Taylor) my favorite clothing store ever.  The needed item was a pair of black casual pants that would pass the 'Cricket test' - meaning they didn't grab dog hair.  Done. 

My favorite quote while shopping was a little boy or girl (couldn't tell by the voice) said to his mom as we turned into the restroom.  Look Mom, that dog is going to the bathroom.

At the office a very cute 11-year-old, who I am just finishing our time in therapy after several months, brought in a cute pumpkin for us to color.  It had large, bold outline so I could stay inside the lines.  We each colored our pumpkins and talked about life and how she was feeling.    She brought in extra copies and said I could invite other kids to express their feelings while they were coloring the pumpkin.  She said, like you could ask them 'tell me about how you feel' while they are coloring.   As she left, she said I'm holding out my fingers - how many.  (I had used this demo months earlier to explain my vision loss when she asked).   She then asked, what other ways do you have to know and told me it was okay to feel her hands to know the # of fingers she was holding up.  It was really funny as she sounded like a mini Becky.    

Therapist's Thoughts on Thursday

The power of connecting with others and feeling like we are not alone in our journey is empowering.  I have watched this time and time again with groups in my office.  It continues to inspire me to get the message out on the groups that we are offering in our office. 

Our women's group - Finding Hope brightens my Mondays. I love seeing these women encourage and support each other.  They are able to identify with the feelings of depression and anxiety and offer each other hope.  One of the resources that we use in our groups is the Nedley Program.  Holli teaches this course in our area and gives valuable insight on her blog about depression. 

If you live in our area contact me and join us for our next group this Monday. You will find hope and laughter with this group.

Therapist's Thoughts on Thursday

Cricket and I are having a great time in our Office Expansion with our Play Room. Do you remember playing with Mr. Potatoe Head? We have one that has a whole family! Do you remember playing with Play Doh? When was the last time you played with blocks and built a tower and then knocked it over? How about drawing a picture on an easel and pretending you are an artist?
Tangle Therapy toys are amazing and such a great de-stresser.   Our clients of all ages are loving these toys and the ability to reduce anxiety through creative play. 

Also, on the agenda today is Running.  Yes!  With my friend, Shannon.  Check out her sweet post about running with me.  I think it is amazing that she would learn about my eyesight and how she can best help our running experience. 

Also, I will be presenting about our office expansion and groups to be offered at a Professional Group in the morning. 

A good, busy day ahead. 

Therapist's Thoughts on Thursday

Three important perceptions:

I am a capable person.

Who I am and what I have to offer is of value.

I can influence what happens in my life.

Therapist's Thoughts on Thursday

My Summer Thursday evening grief group is near completion - last week will be our final week.. However, I know their grief journey is not complete. Some will return for the next session - others will join us for our Grief and the Holidays and others will drop in for a visit. This group of ladies has formed a lasting bond. I have watched them cry and yes, even laugh with one another. I have watched them support and encourage each other in amazing ways. I have watched them experience healing in their journey. Tonight we took a few moments for them to write a letter of compassion to themselves on pink paper. The sound of the pencils writing on the paper was beautiful. They shared they had letters of empowerment and support to hang on their mirrors at home.

There is no path so dark, nor road so steep, nor hill so slippery that other people have not been there before me and survived. May my dark times teach me to help people on similar journeys. Maggie Bedrosian.

Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles. O. Henry

I leave my office grateful for the gift of life, my relationships, and also for a work that gives me the opportunity each day to learn from others.

Therapist's Thoughts on Thursday

It is an amazing experience to see a client begin to love and accept themselves. When I accept myself as I am, I have the space to move forward.

Recently, a client wrote a compassionate letter to herself,

Dear _____, When you first came to see Becky you were lost, empty, unable to function. You felt alot of loss in every way. Stripped of so much. Not wanting to live anymore, just really be invisible because that is how you felt! So much pain! ...

Now, there is a sense of acceptance, love of self and others and a closeness to God and yourself. Consciously being in the present time, being grateful - not just saying it but feeling it...

Keep on keeping on.

Love, (client)

Can you see why I love my work! Amazing experience to experience this journey with someone.

This cnocept of loving-kindness to self can be a unique concept. Isn't that selfish? Shouldn't I focus on others?

As Dr. Gerner states in his book, The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion:

Self-kindness is to connect with our common wish to be happy, not to aggrandize the 'self', which only causes more misery. When we recognize within ourselves the instinct for self-care, we're more inclined to see it in others and to work for their welfare as well. If we active warmth and love within ourselves, we can often talk ourselves through difficult times. Self-kindness is not where the process stops -- it's the beginning.

Therapist's Thoughts on Thursday

I begin the day and am reminded of this quote by Ben Okri:

The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love, and to be greater than our suffering.

My client ages range from 4 - 75 today with each having a story to share.