Creativity in the Journey

This morning took some creativity with transportation.  It's all good but as I was working on my ride to work, I found myself reflecting on the opportunity that Retinitis Pigmentosa and the transportation challenges gives me to utilize some creativity!  Its not just a hop in the car and get to work journey :)!

I love my raised dots on the dishwasher and oven.  Someone's creativity in finding a useful, simple technique that I am benefitting from.  Thank you!

With this warmer weather I want to find bright colors to wear.  I pulled out this blouse - kind of an orange I think and this green sweater.  I was wondering if they would go together when I remember that I had a necklace these two colors so they must, right!  I pull out my phone and send a photo on an outfit often to get the vote on matches or not because I like to be creative and try new things together.  I am excited for my day of work which I think is often simply helping people create some ways to express and share who they are and what they are feeling!

How are you expressing your creativity today?

If you are following our running journey :).  Today was four miles with 13 on Friday.  Countdown to the marathon:  week 11!!

Be kind

As my last client left this evening, I said to her, Be kind to yourself.   As if all the pain that had come her way wasn't enough, she was then beating herself up.  Ouch.  As Cricket and I (we are a team in all :) closed up and gathered up the trash from the various offices,  I paused on the tissues used in each office and the emotional pain they represented.   Be kind to yourself sounds so simple almost a cliche... not so easy at times, right.  It can be helpful to write a letter of support to yourself.  You want me to do what?  I hear such amazing words of kindness when we do sit down and write ourselves a letter of support and wow, such words of wisdom in what to do.  Have you tried it?

Get out and live

We are in for the Ogden Marathon! Yay! Just registered and at the bottom it read, okay Get out and live. It just struck me what a powerful message.

Snow has come. We had a short run this morning in it.  Such an adventure!

Have a great weekend.  We may just be sledding this weekend as we:  Get out and Live!

Sweet Cricket

Cricket and I are very close with my colleagues. One of my dear friends/colleagues is going through a difficult time. She asked if we could visit before our staff meeting. She was so touched by Cricket - who was lying down when she came into the room - picked up on her pain and walked up and gently sat close to her the whole time we were visiting. At one point she even offered her paw. She reminded us both of how much it means when someone just sits by us in our pain.

She shared: Amongst the swirling thoughts it stands out to me how in tune Cricket was with my inner vibes of desperation. Often because of my work, people will ask me what they can do in different situations when someone is going through a hard time. Cricket reminded me once again the power of being present with someone and listening and sitting with them and then checking in again. I can tell you the next time she sees this colleague she will be very aware of her and want to know how she is doing. Cricket I learn so much from you beyond when it is safe to cross the street! As we begin this month of emphasis on Gratitude, I am so very grateful for you, Cricket and the way you bless not only my life but many others.

One step at a time

Yes, we are still running! A few miles on this beautiful crisp fall morning. Love it. Also love these fun socks, that say 26.2 in pink, and this fun bright shirt from Running Girl.

Yesterday one of the messages in church was: we can improve our lives with daily small incremental changes. One positive, small step at a time and the race is just ours. The analogy of running a marathon was used. We don't walk out the door and run a marathon - we start one step at a time gradually getting there and doing our best. We had family pictures taken over the weekend. Can't wait to share. Shewas amazing. Have a great Monday.

WE did it.

We did it. I feel immense gratitude and love for these incredible women (Suzette, Melissa, Brenda). We did it (oh, I said that :).  We ran a marathon today.

Steve joined in at Mile 20.  Someone commented that he had wings on his back and was an angel ... yep! 

A hug from mom and dad at mile 16 gave us much energy!  

Thank you so much for those who wished us well. Incredible. Each comment, cheer, email, text meant so much!  I reflect on what the running store manager told me -- "You will learn things about yourself".  I did and I will share! Our story is here.
...

Empowering Identifiers

I've found the flip feature on my iphone and the right spacing to hold my arm out to get me in the picture and seem to be having fun taking probably very unattractive pictures of me to post for all to see :).  After one of our long runs last week I had to dash in quick to get ready for work.  I put all of my clothes into the wash including my running vest.  Oops.  The letters on the front fell off in the dryer.  We will sew them back on.  (do you like how I say "we" :)  So sorry Shannon.  She made me this special vest when we were running, and I treasure it.  The memory of her giving it to me before our first 1/2 marathon together in St. George will always be special.  On the back the letters are still intact so I have still been wearing it.   I laughed telling my friend as we were running -- sorry for the confusing label on the front of my vest.  We might get some strange looks.

It has me reflecting on labels/identifiers.  I throw this vest on proudly with its identifier.  I am a runner that is blind and having a vest that identifies that aspect of me is helpful to me and others. I don't associate anything negative with this identifier/label, at all.  I forget its even on.  When someone cheers me on I realize they are referring to the vest.  I thank them and acknowledge my amazing friends.  I couldn't do it without them.  Their vest could read ... willing to watch out for potholes not only for self but friend, willing to run at the same pace as someone else for a really long time, amazing runner, etc.   

I laugh remembering when I first  began wearing it ... Shannon, I don't think I'm an athelete.   I know its good to wear -- are you okay if I wear this?  :).  Fast forward to now.   It is empowering.  I don't think twice about throwing on this vest (that needs some tlc now).    

This vest with its label identifies an aspect about me.  How someone attributes that identifier is up to them.   I don't have to worry about that.  I just get to run and feel good about my journey.   This vest is visible to others. I acknowledge that each of us have vests that we put on ... sometimes difficult that become part of who we are in time that can also be empowering.  Sometimes we are wearing a vest that no one is aware of ... these are not easy vests to wear and sometimes we don't get the support we need with an invisible vest.  We often  wear a vest that others may not understand.  We really can't understand someone else's journey. 

I would hope that no matter what the vest is that someone puts on 'blind athelete', experiencing anxiety today, going through a very difficult loss, ... the list could go on and on, we could embrace and cheer them on.   

Whatever your vest is, I hope you have support around you who acknowledges you have the vest, who is helping you sewing that vest, cheering you on to wear it, while you are wearing it someone recognizes it isn't easy and supports you,  if it gets thrown in the wash - someone is there to help you resew on the letters, and so forth!   

In my corner

Someone recently emailed me and asked me if I was always so 'up and peppy'. I laughed. Of course, not.   I shared a little bit for Seeing Beautiful.   Life is beautiful and I am an 'up and peppy' person much of the time.  However, it certainly isn't all zip-a-dee-do-dah  -- blind or not.

Courage does not always roar.  Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying, "I will try again tomorrow." Mary Ann Radmacher.  I like this quote a lot.  I'm a marriage and family therapist so I am a fan of processing and sharing our feelings.  Feelings have one desire:  to be felt and listened to.  I'm a believer in self-compassion and the research states as we are kind to ourselves we gain 'space' and the ability for further growth on our journey.  I had a tough moment a few days ago where I just was frustrated with blindness.  There were some inconveniences that in that moment I was wishing weren't the case.  Steve was there and listened.  I shed a few tears (pretty rare at this point) and felt so much better!    (Tears have a healing chemical - really!).  Dr. Barbara Siple quotes a man with RP:  It is much harder going blind than being blind.

We then went for a walk with Cricket and enjoyed a beautiful spring evening.

I like this quote from Steve Hanamura:   "Find two or three people who believe in you and make sure they're in your corner at your worst moments."  I am so grateful my Steve has been in my corner for 28 years.  He tells me I'm in his corner, too.  That warms my heart.  I reflect with gratitude on the others in my corner there for me throughout the years.    

I reflect on another time a few years back when my vision had taken another drop, and I was having a moment of discouragement.  Steve and I were in the car, and I felt that support of someone that totally believed in me.  It felt like the belief he had in me was transferrable, and I could borrow it until I had regained enough on my own.

We ran together in San Diego - four miles along the bayfront.  Amazing.  Beautiful in so many ways.   

Tonight Steve and I went on our 24-mile bike ride.  Such fun.  A friend saw us and stopped for a hug and to say hi.  Made my night.  We cycled further where another friend/colleague's new house is being started.  They were there so we got to stop and say hi and celebrate this new beginning for them.  Loved that our bike ride was a social event as well.

  

Marathon preparation with my two friends is going well.  I love having a schedule to follow - 4 miles tomorrow as we build back up after our last half-marathon in April prepping for the run in September.

Snippets of Adjusting. Retinitis Pigmentosa.

We have been rediscovering past journals and reflecting much on what we have learned through this Retinitis Pigmentosa Journey.  We've been reading through and remembering different challenges, bumps and bruises, growth, and laughing.  There are positives and challenges to losing one's vision gradually versus suddenly.  At a conference a speaker worded it - With every nose dive of vision loss, I lose something I love.  I would add simply then, it is finding new ways to love what is lost.  Retinitis Pigmentosa lends itself to gradual adjustment vs. sudden adjustments:  losing the ability to drive, losing the ability to enjoy reading by print, losing the ability to recognize faces, losing the ability to distinguish colors, came gradually in their own time.  It comes in http://cruisinwithcricket.blogspot.com/2010/08/snippets.html">  snippets  of adjusting.  Also, one is blessed with snippets of growth and learning new alternative ways on a more gradual level.   In my journal I wrote a snippet about one of the first blindness/problem solving that Steve and I made together.  It was for our wedding reception.  At the time my challenge was no peripheral vision and thus, knowing when to put my hand out to shake our guests was the challenge of the day.   The thought of hundreds of people walking through a reception line was feeling overwhelming.  Our plan:  he would gently touch my elbow when their hand was going out and I would know to reach out and shake hands.  So easy and helped what seemed like a challenge be a special evening and on our way to problem solving.  Twenty-eight years later, this is still our system and a subtle clue when we are in many social situations.

Today we ran five miles on our journey of preparation for our marathon.  Perhaps, there are some similarities with Retinitis Pigmentosa and a marathon.  They both seem to really be helped by preparation and there is both challenges and joys in the journey.

Resting :) with some Therapist's Thoughts

The next two days are rest days for preparing for our 1/2 marathon on Saturday.  I've been telling Steve I'm on rest mode and he just doesn't seem to believe me :)!  Sounds kind of nice for a moment but really would be so hard if you had to, right!

What is it with grey/yellow combo that is just so fun?  Whenever I wear the combo it seems someone tells me its a good combo so I just keep going with it.  I think my new little purchase, yellow belt, from Target is going to be put to some fun use this summer.   This little yellow tee from Banana Republic years ago has been a hit as are these old white capris from Old Navy.  This grey cardigan from Ann Taylor is a favorite - I wish I had it in other colors.  I recall someone telling me that after they went blind they generally just wore black.  I love black and that is great if that is what you like to do, but I have found my love for colors and dressing up has not changed with blindness -- just don't need the mirror like I used to.   I'm kind of excited that I actually got my belt in this picture that I took :)!

How do you give someone the gift of self-confidence, belief in themselves, and not worry what others think?  I work on this journey each day with clients.  One client told me today, you seem to be at peace.  I said, well I have the opportunity to share  this message with so many clients - perhaps a little bit stays with me :).
I also believe that is one of the gifts that Retinitis Pigmentosa has given me.  I laughed remember running into a neighbor at the grocery store years ago shortly after I had quit driving.  She said, wow I don't think anyone would want to be you.   When you think about that statement ... how freeing!  I just had to come from a place of feeling peace to be myself.

Ponder:

I exist as I am, that is enough,
If no other in the world be aware I sit content,
And if each and all be aware I sit content.  Walt Whitman

Deep thoughts ... maybe I better go rest :).

Deep Thoughts. Jewelery. Retinitis Pigmentosa

How is that for a random heading - a little like my presentation tonight to a lovely group of young ladies.  I love that in sharing  .. was getting rather deep and one of the  young women said -- but seriously how are you looking so put together.  Your sweater pulls out the middle part of that flower and your jewelery is amazing.  How fun.  They were incredible girls and I learned so much from them.  They listened intently while I told them my journey with Retinitis Pigmentosa and I loved hearing them choose a ceramic heart from my bag and tell me why they chose it.  We celebrated our individual worth and that we all need a tether in our lives ... sometimes we are hanging on and sometimes we are pulling someone else.

Another highlight was a dear friend picking me up and dinner beforehand.  Delicious in so many ways. 

Fun for everyone

One of Kendall's teachers, I think third grade, had the saying - Fun isn't fun unless its fun for everyone.  It was a good message for third graders and a good message for all that has become a saying in our house for nearly 20 years!  I have been reflecting on the difference of two recent experiences.

I have some dear friends that are so kind and caring and also when I am laughing about something silly that I have done they laugh with me.  I have one in particular that I will text her at times to let her know what I did that just was funny.  For instance the other day, Steve dropped me off at the office right by the door.  I ran into the office with some items and then came right back out for us to leave.  In the meantime, he had turned around the car (actually being helpful easier access).  However, I didn't realize that and so went over to the driver's side to get in - which was the passenger side when I got dropped off.  He asked me if I'd like to drive :).  Steve and I laughed and I later shared the funny experience with a friend.  She was laughing with me.  It was pretty funny.  Daily there are little silly things that happen to each of us - blind or not.   

Another experience that was such a contrast.  A man came in to be interviewed.  He saw Cricket and I explained that she was a guide dog because I was blind.  He said in a tone that felt ouch -- oh, does that mean I get to tell blind jokes?   It was interesting to feel how unfunny/put down that felt.

I thought of Kendall's teacher teaching her class that fun isn't fun unless its fun for everyone.  She was trying to teach them that when we laugh with someone it is fun ... when we laugh at someone or a group it isn't funny at all.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Humor and playfulness are one of the character strengths that we will be talking about in our seminar tomorrow.  "You like to laugh and tease.  Bringing smiles to other people is important to you.  You try to see the light side of all situations."   I think we just need to make sure that fun is fun when its fun for everyone :).  Thanks Mrs. E for teaching your third graders an important life message.

   

Deep Thoughts

Tomorrow we will put Cricket's harness back on without the handle.  She can wear it for a short time and see how it feels.  Then, hopefully by Sunday she can walk to church as a guide dog again! 

Walking with Steve, Cricket and Dahlia

I'm a fan of the serenity prayer ... Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
In our lobby at the office is a beautiful version cross stitched from my beautiful mom.
Yesterday I listened to a webinar (I generally have way more CE -- continuing ed units -- than I need.  Love to learn)  The topic was Living in the Second Circle:  How we are changed by the work we do with Ben Wolfe.  It was powerful with much wisdom to ponder.  Such as: we spend time preparing a will putting our finances in place ... what about sharing our will of what matters.  Once upon a time .. we had TIME with people.  Live life.  Don't pass through it.  Listen or your tongue will make you deaf.  There are times when being truly listened to is more important than being fed.  Reflect on who has gotten off and on your life train.  The holiest of all holidays are the secret anniversaries of the heart.  Henry Wadsforth Longfellow.

One of the books recommended:  Five things we cannot change and the happiness we find by embracing them, by David Richo:
1. Everything changes and ends.
2. Things do not always go according to plan.
3. Life is not always fair.
4. Pain is part of life.
5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

I finished the webinar and thought what a blessing to be in a profession where I am profoundly affected by the work I do each day.

Beauty

There are many ways to
See Beautiful. This inspiring blog will uplift. I am thrilled that I will be getting to meet this beautiful woman in Atlanta next week.

I've been reflecting on beauty. I'm not able to say - You look fabulous today.  One of my fun colleagues/dear friends does this and then takes a picture of us. It is pretty fun and we laugh whether we are the one selected for the photo of the day :) or cheering on another one of our colleagues. What is really beautiful is the genuine love of this colleague. She is so beautiful.

I was reflecting this morning as a sweet nose was by the side of the bed at 5:30 am ready to get me up for running.  She is so beautiful and resilient with her staples on her side.  Six days until the staples come out and then a few days afterwards prior to putting on the harness.  I'm hoping it will feel great and she'll feel the beauty once agian of being a guide dog!  I haven't had Diet Coke since Cricket's surgery!  At first, it was because I wasn't walking to the store during my break ... then it became long enough that I thought I'll just keep on with this break while I am preparing for the 1/2 marathon.  So, when did you stop drinking diet coke?  Well, my dog had surgery and so ... :). 

I've been reflecting on the heaviness of what my clients carry.  We just don't know what someone is carrying around in their heart.  I have a 'blind runner' tag that identifies a part of who I am.  Those hidden challenges of someone's heart are not as easy to identify.  I feel lonely.  I am hurting today.  I am grieving.  I feel scared. ... the list goes one.  

Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -- Anonymous

Seven Simple Gifts

Recently I received a very sweet email from a leader of a group I belong to stating:  My wish for each of you during this holiday season and in 2012 is that you enjoy every minute of every day, that you find peace, and when times get tough you find the grace and humor you need to make it through, stronger for the challenge.  Thank you T.S. for such a profound message. 

She also passed along Denise Bissonenette's Seven Simple Gifts:  Not easy to give, splendid to receive.  She states, "I ask you dear reader to assess for yourself, what it is like to be on the receiving end of these gifts.  Take a moment and consider what it felt like the last time you received the following:

1. Gift of Visibility.Someone making you feel seen and heard in a situation in which you felt invisible;
2. Gift of a heartfelt compliment. A heartfelt compliment that came from someone with no agenda;
3.  Gift of Thanks.Genuine thanks and appreciation for something you do every day;
4.  Gift of a sincere apology. A sincere apology that helped heal a hurt, heartache or misunderstanding;
5.   Gift of Forgiveness.  Forgiveness which freed you from the burdens of guilt, blame or shame;
6.  Gift of the Benefit of the Doubt.  The benefit of the doubt in a situation where you appreciated not being unfairly judged
   or criticized;
7.  Gift of Kindness.  A kindness from someone that touched you deeply.

She states, "it is my fondest hope that recollections of having received each of these gifts from someone at some time in our lives will inspire the giving of these same gifts with wholehearted, wideranging, no holds barrer generosity on our parts.  In the words of Sam Levinson, 'The tender loving care of fellow human beings will never become obsolete because people, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed.  We do this for one another through the gifts of the human spirit.'

Hope. Retinitis Pigmentosa

Someone recently told me they found my blog searching retinitis pigmentosa + hope.  I recall attending conferences on the research of retinitis pigmentosa and that would of meant hope in a treatment soon.  Today I recognize to me it means incorporating hope, joy, positivity with a degenerative, changing health condition.  I feel much hope as I continue to go through the adjustments and learning new skills. 

Challenges mold me, they do not make me.  Praise encourages me, my own intentions inspire me.  Successes spur me on but it is the reward of perseverance that satisfies me.  Lack may assail me yet understanding 'enough' assuages my hunger.  Criticism may knock but I choose whether to open the door.  Abundance showers me and generosity lights the path.  Pain may permeate but hope prevails.  As long as I'm breathing, I'm living, all the way, my way, beginning fresh each day.  I may have a stare-down with dawn, but I hear the Great Voice say,  Life begins when you do.
Mary Anne Radmacher

Cricket and I recently had the chance to go on an adventure with some friends.  Part of the journey was finding a quiet place along a beautiful stream.  It took the help of friends to get us there.  This wasn't an area easily navigatable by a guide dog.  Cricket was a great sport and let her princess paws walk through gravel.  She seemed to know her handler needed a quiet place to journal and reflect.  We sat there listening to the stream in the background, gratitude for friends nearby but in their own space reflecting, and knowing that although we could not see the beauty around us -- we were feeling it on a deep level.  It was calming and soothing to our souls. 

Another quote by Mary Anne Radmacher -  Courage does not always roar.  Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow. 

Many I know right now are going through hard times ... sending love and honoring your courage to try again tomorrow. 

5K run this morning in good time.  Ah, grateful for a healthy body and a friend that are allowing me this journey.