My little red tether is my anchor in running with my friends. A beautiful guide dog has been my tether/anchor in mobility and independence for 17 years: 1. Pantera 2. Cricket, and now my beautiful 3. Georgina (Georgie). A life of family and friends is my joy and anchor in life.

The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it. CC Scott

Monday, May 2, 2011

Thinking of some women I love

I love transforming our office into a special place of support.  Today that was for a luncheon to honor moms who have had a child die. However, I have learned that I receive so much more back than I could ever give.  I love these ladies so much. Wendy, we really want you to travel from Canada to join us!
What Grieving Mothers Want for Mother's Day
By Renee Wood

Over half of the mothers surveyed who had a child die considered Mother's Day to be their most difficult holiday.
In response to the heartfelt answers given by the survey participants, the Comfort Company has issued a list of the ten things grieving mothers want most for Mother's Day:
1. Recognize that they are a Mother: Offer a hug and a "Happy Mother's Day". Send a simple Mother's Day card to let them know you remember that they are a mother even though their child is not with them physically.
2. Acknowledge that they have had a loss: Express the message, "I know this might be a difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you today." Removing the wall of silence gives a grieving mother permission to talk about her child.
3. Use their child's name in conversation: Saying the name of a child who has died is like music to a grieving mothers ears. One mother suggested, "Say his name and ask me my fondest memory of him from past Mother's Days".
4. Plant a living memorial: This is a wonderful day to plant a tree or flower bulbs in memory of the child. This is something that will live on as a beautiful reminder in the years to come.
5. Visit the Gravesite: Many mothers felt that it was "extremely thoughtful" when others visited their child's gravesite and left flowers or a small pebble near the headstone.
6. Light a Candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of their child on Mother's Day.
7. Share a Memory or Pictures of the Child: Give the precious gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the "greatest gift you can give is a heartfelt letter about my child and your most lovely moments with them".
8. Send a Gift of Remembrance: Many mothers suggested appropriate gifts of remembrance that would bring them comfort. These items included: an angel statue, a piece of jewelry, a memory box, a memorial candle, a picture frame, a library book donation, an ornament, memorial poetry, anything personalized with the child's name or a date, books on grief, a garden stone or a toy donation in the child's name.
9. Don't try to minimize their loss: Avoid using any cliches that attempt to explain the death of a child. ( "God needed another angel.") Secondly, don't try to find anything positive about the loss ( "You still have two healthy children" or "She's in a better place").
10. Encourage Self-Care: Self-care is an important aspect of the "healing the mind and spirit effort" according to several mothers. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered.


wendy said...

How wonderful that I just happened to bop over here right now. Thanks!!!!! for thinking of me. I do wish I could be there with all of you. It would be helpful I am sure.
It is hard to "talk" to people who have not experienced loosing a child. Only those who have had that happen understand and are willing to let you talk.
But, I am sure you will have a lovely time and give my love to all those there ok.
those were good suggestions.

wendy said... was fun to see the photo
cause Yellow is my favorite color

Myrna R. said...

Those are wonderful suggestions. My heart sinks at the thought of a child's death. Those mothers are so courageous. My prayers are with them.

Grandma & Grandpa said...

What wonderful and helpful suggestions! You always WANT so much to say the right thing, but often don't know what that is. Thank you. I love your blog, Becky!

Tessa99999 said...

This post is really hitting home with me. I've never lost a child, nor am I a mother for that matter. A few years ago my sister-in-law lost her first baby. It was born very pre-maturely and did not survive more than 5 hours. Since she has had another son, also born pre-maturely, and after reading this I realized that most of us don't think about her loss from so long ago. We're all just so thankful that she has a healthy baby boy today. We never remember the one that was lost. I will definitely be doing my best this Mother's Day to support her and let her know that I still remember and know that it's painful for her.